insomnia with a dash of worry

today was okay i suppose. i met with an admissions rep at concorde college. found out i'm supposedly some kind of genius? i don't really know but they had me take an IQ test and i guess i did well. but either way... the rep is meeting with me again on thursday because i basically impressed her and she thinks i would do amazingly well in the program. i'm pretty excited. i just need to figure out how i'm going to pay for it and then pay for me to move back home. i'm supporting two people instead of just one when i go back. i'll explain later.

i can't sleep. i feel like i said something wrong to someone because they are no longer talking to me when they normally do. i've never been this stressed out over trying to keep a certain person interested in me. i've never felt the need to. i've never liked anyone this much. damn. i'm stupid. what can i say? i'm still an 18 year old girl.

on a different note, i bought a book called tweak. i've read the first exerpt of it and i find that it really holds my attention. the details are vivid and i just want to keep reading more and more about this guy's life. it's a memoir. a guy struggled with drug addiction and then lived to tell his tale. i'm surprised. i've honestly never felt so compelled to read something before in my life and i feel like i'm going to work my butt off just to finish it because i want to, not because i feel like i have to. i also bought the book crank. it's a book written in poetry about a person's struggle with drugs and how they tried to find their way away from it... are you noticing a theme here? i have a strange obsession with reading about people who are/were addicted to drugs. i can't explain it. i also have some weird fascination for teen pregnancy, abuse, and eating disorders. no, i can't explain it. i know that i can't put down books that relate to those things though. i also read a lot into books about sex. it doesn't have to be raunchy, nor doesn't have to be erotica, but i love reading about it. not to please myself in inappropriate ways, mind you. i like to read about it because i've never completely understood it. things i don't understand intrigue me. but when i know i shouldn't mess around with certain things that i'm curious about, i try to find as many perspectives on it as i possibly can so that i can say i understand it enough but i've never crossed the line with it. i know this probably doesn't make sense but i really can't make this anymore clear.

i feel i should end it here. i'm going to look over school things and read a bit more since i am lacking the ability to fall asleep.