so i've come to realize that i haven't really blogged lately. i guess i should do that now that i have a ton of extra time this early in the morning...

things with evan came to a fall out. in the end, it was my turn to back down from the relationship. he took it harder than i did when he backed out the first time. basically he told me that i was a whore and all i did was get my revenge for last time. not true. i'm not a whore no matter how much i say that i am. also, i really do genuinely care for him, but the fact that he is so far away, i can't establish an intimate relationship with him at all. so i decided to save us both and basically just step away. with things that i'm going through, it's better to have someone who's here and close that i can be around or nothing at all. so there is that... and in the back of my mind, i know that he'll end up coming back in the future, no matter how pissed he says he is, and ask for yet another chance. depending on where i am in my life, i may not take him back... mostly because i just don't feel it for him like i used to... there was a time where i honestly thought to myself, "damn, i'm gonna marry this kid." but as time went on, i've come to see that i'm not as sure about it as i used to be. change is always for the better.

on sunday my uncle had a stroke. i'm actually really close to this uncle. but i don't think anyone can understand that i'm not really ready to visit him in the hospital. i don't like seeing people that way at all... and considering my most recent loss, i get flashbacks from even being in a hospital and i don't think i can handle that. i went once and literally went into this shell to protect myself though all i really honestly needed was to cry. i'm like that... i won't cry in front of people i really completely care about. i don't want people to see me suffer. however, i ran to a person i know i shouldn't have run to and cried my eyes out for two hours. good job me. now... i think i'm avoiding everything. hospital-wise of course.

now onto better things... last night was rather amazing and to wake up feeling like it was all a dream made it even better... mostly because when i got the proof that it really wasn't a dream i nearly stopped breathing. haha i am a dork. really, i am. i went to the 32nd street naval base bowling alley last night and that was pretty awesome. first, this one group of guys came up to me and aya and started trying to ask us our information... what we were doing, what we were into... things like that. i blew them off though aya thought they were funny. then a guy i was basically eyeing all night... i said hi to him and he came and sat with me and we watched the lakers game. he was very cool. his friends came over to our table. one of his friends likes aya. SHWEET! lmao... and we all ended up talking for a good while. we get out of the bowling alley and the guy that likes aya just starts texting her RIGHT WHEN WE GET IN THE CAR. drive past them on base and go to shelter island to relax. we get there and i automatically make the first move sending the guy i was attracted to, "fact: i find you rather attractive." similar format, not the exact words. he texted back with, "i find you rather attractive too." again, not the exact words but you geet the idea. they ended up driving all the way up to shelter island to spend time with us and i thought that was pretty awesome. they treated us to denny's which i thought was really sweet since guys kinda lost the whole chivalry thing and that happens to be a major turn on for me. lmao. *pauses to take a text from said guy.* okayyyy... but yeah so we all spent time at denny's and it was pretty fun... i managed to meet a guy and have a first date in under... 4 hours... i would think that's some kind of record. and yes, it was a date. usually i don't know... lol but it followed every guideline. never kiss&tell. we're ending this section now.

today should be somewhat eventful. i'm supposed to see the guy again... he gets off work at 2pm or so... then aya and i MUST hit up a post office and go to north island for the movie theater because she believes her wallet is there. we have to find a way to have money for gas without asking my parents because they're getting mad because i drive so much... but idk... i barely just woke up... for all of you that really know me, it means i woke up an hour ago and am still brain dead... i'm going to lay around some more.