insanity

i'm back home. it's raining/snowing out. i can't sleep. my thoughts are out of control and it feels like i'm being eaten from the inside out. evan tells me he falls more and more in love with me each day. i love him. simple. but i guess it's my turn to be scared. i'm scared that i'm not ready. i'm scared that he'll change his mind. i'm scared that i'm not really what he wants. i have so many insecurities that i don't share with people. i like who i am, but i always feel like i'm going to lose who means the most to me. sometimes i want to push away but i know i'd be hurt if i do. it's like... now that i have what i've always wanted in my hands, i wonder and second-guess everything about it.

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