first blog!

so this is my first blog on this site... crazy huh? i'm pretty lame right now so i'll just give a plain update on how boring i am but what i'm doing. :P

just as a disclaimer... when i write, i usually don't have anything important to say. i never write so that it makes sense. i don't particularly like discussing important issues or how i feel about them. i do write about my emotions when i feel them. i do write in a stream of consciousness. i forget about grammar rules sometimes. i'm not one for capitalization. and i particularly like writing about my small meaningless accomplishments (i.e. making a new friend, getting a phone number, going to/ditching class, eating a certain food). if you're into reading that kinda thing, then please, keep going!

it's winter break for all us college kids and i can honestly tell you that is was WAY needed. i'm spending my break in omaha, nebraska with relatives. it's FREEZING cold outside. putting a california girl in this kinda weather could almost kill her. just kidding! i'm dealing with it. the snow is pretty awesome too. i got here on wednesday and since then i've gone out to eat and to the store and to the mall. i'll elaborate on the mall experience.

OH THE MALL! the teenage hub of social encounters! i went to the mall with my cousin yesterday and she particularly likes the store hot topic. i mainly only like it because they have body jewelry, hello kitty, and pants that fit me. i ended up meeting someone and making a friend. YAY ME! this happens pretty often though so me meeting someone isn't much of a big deal. but i thought i would write about the one experience.

on to serious matters!
this is the first christmas i've ever spent without my dad and i'm wondering how i'm going handle not being able to call or be with him. thanksgiving was really tough for me because that was the first i've had without him. i cried at the dinner table and i really don't want that to happen again on this holiday. if i cry, i cry. but honestly... what is crying to me? i've never liked to cry. i've never been able to cry freely. crying to me is an expression of weakness. a sign that people can overpower, use, and abuse you. but that's all it's ever been for me. the point of me saying that being: i have to remain strong and crying makes my efforts seem futile. blah blah blah.