for the past month, i have been crazy busy... i don't even know where to begin how to detail the changes that have occurred in my life. i know this seems repetitive but life is a fluid changing thing, so it makes sense that i constantly go through changes.

in the past month, i chose to let go of someone and start letting go of someone else. i found love. real love. not puppy love. i found love in a way that i least expected and i've come to realize that it's one of the most amazing things that's ever happened to me. i'm a band promoter. i don't smoke ALL the time anymore. i plan a little more but i think a little less. i've come to terms with the fact that things always happen regardless and you have to learn that you can't control it. the simplest things make me happy again. and finally, i drink jack daniels like no other. not an alcoholic or anything, but jack daniels is my drink of choice.

i feel like explaining EVERYTHING now in detail! haha.

as far as the not smoking all the time thing... i've kinda started to smoke maybe once a day or once every other day... as a means to not want to do it anymore. i'm going to keep smoking hookah though. that's a given.

i absolutely love drinking jack daniels. it gets me buzzing REALLY fast and it makes me happy... but hysterical at the same time.

i let go of evan completely. no communication. no chances. nothing. he's completely gone unless i have to see him when i visit kelly and jill. he was absolutely bent on marrying me and to be honest... he wasn't the one for me... the childhood best friends fantasy ending type deal may have seemed glamorous in the beginning but when push came to shove, i realized ALL of his flaws and how i couldn't stand to put up with them.

i'm slowly going to let go of mikey... mostly because if i keep talking to him, not that i don't like him or anything, but if i keep talking to him it may complicate what i have going for me. and what i have going for me is EXACTLY what i want and exactly what i've been looking for this whole time. i honestly don't want anything to get in the way of that.

love... oh love... geez... i never thought i would genuinely say that i was in love with a person. i never thought i would actually find the person who made me want to be with them and only them for as long as i possibly could. but i found the one person i can't get off my mind. the guy who ALWAYS puts a smile on my face even if i'm arguing with him. the guy who i'm willing to give up all the negatives about me for, though he would never ask it of me. yup... i love him.

anywayyyy... so i HAVE to write about this because it makes me laugh... and i realized this tonight as paul and i were walking around downtown. we aren't a normal couple. okay yes, we kinda are cuz we love each other and we spend time together and we hang out and such, but i mean like... we seriously are weird. so i'm going to admit that in all my other relationships, i've had serious fights with my exes within the span of a month or two weeks... usually because one of us or both of us isn't getting what we want. paul and i seriously don't really fight about anything. hell... our arguments that we actually take seriously, aren't even serious! our first fight or argument or whatever you want to call is was about whether or not this one basketball player looked like a caveman. i was dead set on the fact that he did. paul didn't agree. so we argued about that for about 15 minutes. that was our first serious argument. tonight was our second one... i actually don't even remember what the argument was about cuz i ended up laughing about it right afterwards... but i think it had to do with me trying to tell paul that he was drunk and he didn't believe it. so i made him try to walk a straight line and he couldn't... then i tickled him and he spun in a crazy circle. both i used as proof... then i don't know... i got distracted afterwards. crazy right?

anyway... i'm actually rather tired and i'm thinking of sleeping now... i'll get 6 hours of sleep.